“Finally, I’m Ethnic!” Or, Culture Sharing

So today was a hazardous day at best. At worst utter shit. But there is always a sunrise on a cloudy day, and my sunrise was in the form of a fabulous kurti that I bought online. What, might you ask, is a mainline, upperclass white female doing with traditional Indian garb?

I’m embracing the beautiful.

You see, Fellow Readers of This Wondrous Blog, your monarch has often felt that American fashion is limiting, especially for the young adults. Frankly, it’s a bit of a bore-fest. I mean, come on–how many ways can you wear skinny jeans and tight tanks? Yawns galore. And in this wandering mind of your overlord was a love of all things foreign and unique. I’ve always admired different cultures, ethnicities, and nationalities because they seem so exotic, so full of life. And I’ve often wanted to show appreciation and respect, though I am only an outsider. I want to grow an afro (unlikely, but still) and wear a hijab and attend an Indian festival. I want to go into a synagogue.

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And yet I am frightened. You aren’t supposed to act outside your established identity–a white person can’t “act black” or “ghetto,” a religious person can’t have doubts, a man can’t possess feminine sensibilities–because then you are a traitor to your identity. 

I was also afraid of what they might say if I did some of those things. “She’s not one of us. She doesn’t share our way of life. She just does it for the material.” 

And they would have a point.

But in the end, I don’t see such a difference. When I saw an old woman in a casual brown saree at my town’s annual festival, I thought, “That is beauty. I want to be that beauty.” I wanted to wear a saree and a choli. I want to stick a bindi on my forehead and feel the beauty that was the old woman.

Today I did. Or I would have, if not for the sweat stains and lack of a dupatta and traditional pants. Maybe next time.

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Related reads:

Can a white woman wear a sari or salwar kameez? The fine art of culture sharing

The Perils of Dragon Real Estate

It has always amazed Dovaline how senseless humans are about her kind. Yes, we all know that dragons are ferocious creatures that are a menace to everything, yada yada ya. Yes, they breathe fire. Yes, they can fly. Yes, they can eat people—but who cannot?

Dovaline tried to explain this to a banker over the phone last Tuesday.

“So,” he said. “Do you…you know…?”

“Pardon?”

“Fire people?”

Dovaline paused. “I do not have that authority in my job—”

“No, I meant set people on fire. God.”

“Oh,” she harrumphed. “That’s quite personal. I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“Ma’am, it is my business.”

“No, it’s not. But if you wait twenty minutes for me to fly over there, I can make it your business.”

The man hung up, fearing she’d roast him like a hog after that. Which she did. No one misses bankers.

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Wishes

I wish I could say
almost babies live special kinda lives
for awhile
the sun ain’t blowin’ up, she’s just mad
My mama will live forever
and my daddy will live for her
and my brother will just live
Wish it were true
that Jesus, God, and my lover loved me
victims were glorified for surviving
and the ‘glorified’ were more ashamed.
Wish I was not ashamed–
Swim against the fish that bolt from the jaws of conservatism only to
find themselves in the belly of a bigger fish.
Cry in front of a friend because my mouth is not made for words but puddles of passion.
Say I deserve better than a love triangle
between me him and Mary-Jane.
Say I am sorry and I am on my own.
Perhaps these dreams are for another day.

How to Be a Good Kisser – 10 Tips From Scientific Research

Originally posted on TIME:

What Does Science Say About How To Be A Good Kisser?

Regular readers might be saying “What the hell is this, Cosmo Magazine?

In all fairness, how to be a good kisser is something no one really gets instruction in.

Yet, it can be a huge part of one’s personal life and the sources we do get info from are, well, far from scientific.

Let’s tackle it.

Have No Illusions: Kissing Is Important

Research shows kissing frequency correlates with relationship satisfaction.

Via The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us:

Overall, the researchers showed that the amount a couple kissed was proportional to their stated level of relationship satisfaction.

59% of men and 66% of women have ended a relationship because someone was a bad kisser.

Via The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us:

The first kiss is a necessary risk…

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The 10 most corrupt states in the U.S.

chloelaurenne:

Is your state on the list?

Originally posted on Fortune:

When we think of government corruption (as one tends to do),  our biased minds often gravitate to thoughts of military juntas and third world governments. But, of course, corruption is everywhere, in one form or another. And it’s costing U.S. citizens big time.

A new study from researchers at the University of Hong Kong and the Indiana University estimates that corruption on the state level is costing Americans in the 10 most corrupt states an average of $1,308 per year, or 5.2% of those states’ average expenditures per year.

The researchers studied more than 25,000 convictions of public officials for violation of federal corruption laws between 1976 and 2008 as well as patterns in state spending to develop a corruption index that estimates the most and least corrupt states in the union. Based on this method, the the most corrupt states are:

1. Mississippi
2. Louisiana
3. Tennessee
4. Illinois
5. Pennsylvania
6. Alabama
7. Alaska
8. South…

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9 Items In Your Boyfriend’s Apartment That Should Raise Red Flags

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

It’s no secret that an apartment inhabited by young males is one of the scarier places on earth. Here are a few things that may make it even scarier; particularly if you envision a future with one of its residents:

1. Lack Of Pictures

It’s common knowledge that, if not currently watching the first five minutes of Up, men aren’t really allowed to have feelings.

Pictures in room are another exception to the whole feelings thing–not so much because we need pictures, but because not having pictures is very weird–it seems like the type of callous, minimalist choice that a serial killer would make.

2. A Nightstand Buffet

If his nightstand is sporting 3 day old mozzarella sticks, a half eaten reuben, and some dangerously permanent sriracha stains, it’s probably a good idea to stay away.

This is also a pretty good indication that your boyfriend is the type…

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8 Guys You Must Never, Under Any Circumstances, Fall In Love With

chloelaurenne:

Pay attention, darlings.

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

1. The one who messages you once a year to say something incredible.

Every so often, you’ll wake up to a text or a Facebook message from him, something about how he thought of you last night, or how he wants to see you, or when are you going to be in his city? It will fill you with a sudden whoosh of excitement and hope. But no matter how carefully you’ll try to reply to his messages — to seem casually interested, but not like you’re invested in his sudden attention — he’ll always fade away again, and you’ll somehow be left feeling desperate, even if he’s the one who reached out to you. You’ll delete his number from your phone to prevent yourself from drunk texting him, but you’ll still look at his profile every now and again.

2. The one who doesn’t like your friends.

He’ll hang…

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