Our Asteroids

The_Little_Prince_and_his_Rose_by_lulii13omg

The boy with the salt-and-pepper hair does not want to dig into my soul
and sleep in its hollows, like
the rose on the little prince’s asteroid.
Instead he asks naught
but what I think of what he said—
tells me only nonreligion binds us—
And I want to cry because

as I try

to move amongst his soul
he nibbles on my skin

 

 

Note: Originally written October 28th, 2014
      Edited February 20th, 2015

 

 

 

Thoughts While Watching a Homoerotic Movie for the First Time

 

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Watching: Weekend

Rating: R (drugs, sex, and cursing, oh my!)

Summary: A 2011 British romantic drama film directed by Andrew Haigh. The film stars Tom Cullen and Chris New as two men who meet and begin a sexual relationship the week before one of them plans to leave the country.


  1. Wow, the main character doesn’t look or act gay… Definitely played by a straight man.
  2. He’s so shy. Do his friends and family know he’s gay?
  3. Who makes the first move in a gay nightclub? The more dominant one? The taller one?
  4. Russell is taking coffee to his ONS…
  5. Wow, they are super cute together.
  6. When Russell says he doesn’t like anal sex, I think he’s lying to himself.
  7. Oooh, does admitting you like anal sex make you “too gay” in Russell’s eyes? Maybe bc penetration is animalistic and final.
  8. People yell ‘queer’ at gay people’s windows? God, it’s 2011 when this was made. Get a grip.
  9. If people knew Russell was gay, would they still let him lifeguard? I’m not sure… In America… not sure either.
  10. Ooohh, Russ is texting Glen… Definitely wants the D.
  11. [In the locker room, when these guys are getting descriptive about having sex with a woman] How isolating that must be. You have to hear about something you can’t relate to at all. If I was in his situation, I would feel ashamed at being different and uncomfortable.Weekend-1
  12. It’s like they don’t know how to act around each other now that they’ve met again. And it’s so odd because I’m used to thinking of it as a male-female thing.
  13. They are at Russ’s place. Russ is making tea. Glen takes off his jacket, casually feeling out Russ to see if he wants to have sex. Glen is assertive. I like this.
  14. “You think talking about sex is dirty?” says Glen. Very interesting question. I like Glen a lot now, because I see him as very sexually progressive. He also makes a valid point when he says, “Gay people never talk about [their sex life] in public. I think it’s because they’re ashamed.”
  15. You definitely figure out who you want to be through sex.weekend04
  16. The sex scene: I was definitely aroused. Is this weird? I feel guilty or ashamed. But at the same time, I loved how happy they were when they had sex/made love.
  17. I wonder if I find it sexy because they both fit the masculine stereotype? I don’t know if I’d be as aroused if their voices were higher or their jawline more pronounced.
  18. Russ doesn’t look happy after sex. He cleans off the semen, which is a gentle rejection of Glen. And when they kiss, it’s clear Glen wants more.
  19. The news: very sad. Glen tries to stifle his passion.
  20. The word “faggot” is a source of pride for Glen, but a source of shame for Russ.
  21. They can’t kiss in a bar. That’s so sad.
  22. NOOO!! Don’t do coke! Coke is bad for you!
  23. I totally understand what Russ is saying about marriage. It’s so wonderful to say that you love someone despite what others think. And to decide to spend the rest of your life together…
  24. No, Glen! Don’t break Russell’s heart!!
  25. Wow, to let Glen be top is a really big step for Russ–it means trust.
  26. At first, I thought Glen wanted a relationship. Now Russ wants one.
  27. Russ feels so awkward at his goddaughter’s party.
  28. I don’t want Russ to try to persuade Glen to leave. I want Glen to admit he doesn’t want to go to America because he loves Russ. weekend
  29. Aw. They don’t get together. But I think that’s the most realistic ending. Not everyone can be i n a relationship. It’s great that Glen wants to finally pursue his dream. And maybe they’ll get together eventually, who knows?

How Did You Lose Your Arm?

in the room there is a man and inside
this man is a pot of anger and inside
Pot of Anger is his sister’s boyfriend
beating her
and her child.

Within her is sadness
for the left arm she lost
when the elevator came down
to catch her but clenched it
instead. Now she raises
remainder   [of that elevator]
and her good arm

against his hot hands
but nothing happens—her limb/s
betray

 

 

 

The Eccentric Collection

For all you wackadoos who love weird-ass movies, I’ve compiled a list of my favorites.

 

Amélie

So, little Amelie, your bones aren’t made of glass. You can take life’s knocks. If you let this chance go by, eventually your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So… Go and get him, for pete’s sake!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it.

 

 

Cloud Atlas

I  believe death is only a door, when it closes, another opens. If I care to imagine heaven. I would imagine a door opening. And behind it, I would find him there, waiting for me.

Scott Pilgrim VS the World

Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.

Daydream Nation

Caroline: If you have the audacity… the… inaccuracy… to describe me as “ethereal,” as some flawless, perfect thing, then fuck you.

Barry: Wha—

Caroline: No, fuck you. You don’t know anything about me. The only reason you think I am ethereal is because all we do is have sex and flirt and have sex.

Barry: There is more to you than that.

Caroline: I know that! I know! But I’m not here to save you. I’m the main character of my life!

A Beautiful Life

If I die tomorrow, I’ll have no regrets because I have seen you.

Juno

Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.

Juno: Nah… I mean, I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Electrick Children

 I accelerate down a road I have not yet traversed. I travel beyond the red walls of a home I can not again call my home.

Big Fish

It occurred to me then, that perhaps the reason for my growth was I was intended for larger things. After all, a giant man can’t have an ordinary-sized life.

Continue reading

Not Yet A Rainbow

whiteguilt

 

Preface

 

I.

First you tell me race is a social construct
to separate. Isn’t it true
everyone loves a rainless day?
Wouldn’t a raceless day be wonderful?
But you can’t take it away
from me.
You can’t tell me I’m not a race.
That I don’t exist.
I’m not a rainbow yet.

 

II.

Tell them race doesn’t exist.

Every day. Those
(secret) jokes or eyes
when I walk by.
They are angry;
They are wary and afraid!
And I’m ashamed
I am hunched over, carrying
all white crimes.
This skin defines me.

 

III.

I want
to be different. I want to

 

IV.

slice off all my skin and burn
it till it is red and black from the fire.
With only my muscles and bones to show

 

 

 

Preface to “Not Yet a Rainbow”

Preface:

I wrote this after a friend told me the ‘white race’ was not a race. And despite acknowledging this, and even understanding the logic, I couldn’t help but take these words as a blow to my identity. It’s odd; I’m first a woman, second an American, third a heterosexual, fourth a Caucasian. And none of my labels comes with a sense of pride (except maybe the second one, albeit ironically). It’s who I am. It comes as natural as breathing. My race is part of that.

It is one thing to say that race is just a concept, and yada yada yada. It’s true that we created these terms. But it’s useless to try removing ‘race’. It is ingrained into our minds. You may tell a white person that race is ridiculous and they might shrug. But try telling that to a black person or an Asian. Try it. They will probably laugh in your face. Race is everywhere, as is racial prejudice and discrimination. From the moment you are born, you are assigned a gender and a color.

“Not Yet A Rainbow” is about struggling to reconcile these notions. It’s also an acknowledgement of the white guilt that permeates America and my life.

 

Thank you,

Chloe

Tinder and I Only Lasted 2 Days

When I got my new phone, I was really excited for many reasons.

  • IMG_0013Internet!
  • Snapchat!
  • Pictures!
  • AAANNND TINDER!

I know I shouldn’t have been excited about the last one–I mean, Tinder never works. It’s a hook-up app, and everyone knows it. But I wanted to be in the know. I wanted to have people think I’m sexy and flirt with me. So I downloaded the app.

Big mistake.

I was on there all the time. It was weird every time I got matched with someone, and I was so happy every time. 12 matches… 25… 36 matches. Yay :) People like me! I am a Tinder goddess!

But it got old pretty fast.

Between pictures of fish, dead deer, babies (and “this ain’t my baby” captions), dogs, and shirtless pictures, I was getting bored.

Delete.

I did however get this guy’s number (NOT the guy here). Seems pretty amazing on cover… not sure he has the interest to actually call or meet me in person.

We will see.