The End to a Year: What I Learned and What I Still Don’t Understand

As the year evaporates from under my feet, it’s best to reflect on the life lessons and the intellectual paradoxes that made up my first-year experience. I only have a week before I say goodbye to some friends, and leave to go back home.

I’ve Learned…

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You really can’t judge a human by it’s cover

True, first impressions are really important. But more often than not, what you see is a small percentage of what you get. Someone may seem really messed up or prissy or just plain stupid, but then they turn out to be brilliant, creative, funny. And you’re like, “Hey, we should hang,” or, “Now I get why I’m sleeping with you.”

It goes both ways. I cannot tell you the number of times I thought someone was a cool person, and they turned out to have sociopathic traits. So remember: Everything a person does is a self-reflection. It’s what they want you to see. It’s up to you to sort out the bull from the reality.

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Trust your gut (because your heart and mind don’t know squat) 

This may seem a little counterintuitive to the previous statement, but these maxims can work together. We always want to keep an open mind, but let’s face it. There are some screwed up individuals out there. I like to think that when my heart and my head are so confused by everything around me, my gut will step in, because instinct does not lie.

Keep your heart close. Keep your mace closer.

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It’s hard to say “I deserve better” when the outcome is being alone

Is it in our nature to choose the step below? Is it normal to “accept the love we think we deserve,” as Stephen Chbosky says? I think so. And unfortunately, it often means settling for a situation that doesn’t really meet our needs. I have a hard time telling people what I need from them because I’m worried they’ll leave me. I was afraid to tell Brad I deserved better, and that I didn’t think it would work. And I’m alone again. It’s hard. But “until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness,” said Mandy Hale.

 

I’m still confused…

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When you ask me how your class has changed me

Why do you continue to ask me this? Do you want me to lie and make you feel better, or be honest and be labeled a bitch? I feel like this is a trick, and I’m probably not going to say anything. Unless you call on me. Don’t call on me.

About how to use proper slang. Janked…janky…ratchetty…what-y?

I can’t even. (I used that ironically; the only way a normal person should.)

That guys sleep around, but women are sluts

How is this even possible, in an era of anti-slut shaming and knowledge about rape culture? Can’t we agree that this is bullshit, and since both men and women crave sex, there is no upper-hand? The fact that we call the male sex a “man-whore”–and only in a joking manner–further illustrates how gendered scripts don’t work for both parties.


 

Though I’ve had some rough experiences, I don’t think I’d trade them in (at least not most). After all, it brought me to you.

Love,

Chloe

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2 thoughts on “The End to a Year: What I Learned and What I Still Don’t Understand”

  1. I really love this: “It’s hard to say “I deserve better” when the outcome is being alone.”

    It goes with trusting your gut, I think. It’s a reminder I keep telling myself especially in the moments that I need to. I regret when I don’t follow my gut.

    Good luck to both of us!

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