Must-Have’s on a Human Male’s Dating Profile

This is a list of all the things men simply must put on their dating profiles. On a serious note, I really don’t know how they think these things work.

1. The dog photo


There’s always fucking dog photo. The human male wants to control us with our hormones and our love for puppies. It is his way of saying, “Yes, I’m caring and compassionate, look at how much I love dogs.” 
2. The baby photo

The classic baby photo. Again, the male is trying to lure us in through supposed maternal feelings. Ha. As if we have them. We’re not here on Tinder to have babies. We’re here to make babies… but with condoms on.

3. The shirtless pic


This one is the worst. A hot bod… is a hot bod. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to grill some bacon on that thing ^^

4. The fish photo 


The male mind is obsessed with fish. I don’t know what it is. Is it the thrill of the catch? Do the gills sparkle like diamonds? Why do men think we care about fish? I’m glad it’s their favorite sport, but the only fish I want to see is on my plate.

5. The one where we don’t know who you are


Where you at, bro?

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