And There You Were

I went out with a new man the other day.

He had perfect teeth and luminous hair.

He had a cute earring and he was very charming,

But he wasn’t you.

I went out with another man, to forget my disappointment. And this one was strange, and he was kind.

He bought me dinner and held my hand, but it didn’t matter.

He wasn’t you.

Today I went out with someone else, someone I thought could be like you.

He was dark and handsome, went to school, and played the drums like you do.

But then I opened my heart to take him in, and there you were.

Taking up too much space, reminding me of your literal absence.

Tomorrow, I might move on

To someone new, who isn’t you, someone who might stay. But I think I’ll open the dark chest

Under my bed and pull out our love letters,

Reverently smooth over creases, read how deeply we cared,

Start to write your address on an envelope–

Then stop. And go to bed.

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Are We Still Strangers

 

I can no longer be this person
who smiles
reads novels,
hair tied tight—
then loose—
Hair and jeans and other things.

Morning
Never slept. Just listened
to the snores of a stranger.
—Or are we still strangers, as he has seen me?

This is not me or my body.

 

i am going to shower
again.

A forward

cafuné

Brazilian Portuguese

(verb)- to tenderly run one’s fingers through another’s hair

Intimacy is in most circumstances ineffable–though you will try to describe it, the only way to share intimacy is through experience. Aptly, the word cafuné captures that experience not just by describing a moment, but through its foreign origin and inability to be fully translated into English, the most prominent language in the world.

Adventure, passion, joy. This is the natural high of life, the ultimate stimulant being love. And how we share these moments of intimacy will carve out the course of our lives.

I hope to share these moments with you. Thank you.