Oh, Paul. TLC–Tender, Loving (Obama)care

March 23rd

11pm

Paul has not breastfed in 10 days. The new healthcare act is under intense scrutiny by Republicans as well as Democrats. Ha. Like there are democrats in Congress. Like Trump can be persuasive. Or even a real president.

11:20pm

Oh god. The Speaker just came in. “I’m sick of Trump trying to blame Obama. There was no wire-tap! I mean, come on! Who thought that Dorito Man would ever become the Commander in Chief? More like commander of bleach! Am I right, Chloe-bear? Because he is blond?”

“Oh, honey, go to bed.”

March 24

12:50am

“I can’t sleep, baby,” Paul softly murmurs as he cradles me in his strong, pale arms.

“Why?”I ask, stroking his vampire face.

“I just keep thinking about Obama.”

“What?”

Paul Ryan sighs. “I just miss him. This is too hard. I want maternity leave.”

“Paul, you already took maternity leave.”

“If Trump can golf, I can go back to mu-mu’s and intense sleep aids.”

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